Nice. Naive. Beautiful

Todo borroso. Pensé que esta realidad ya no existía. Llego. Dicen que los ojos son la puerta del alma. Lo estoy empezando a creer. Nunca lo pensé posible. Jamas lo vi como algo tangible, y ahora me toca bocina.
Siempre fui una de esas personas que confían mucho. Algo bueno, algo en mi contra. Siempre trababa de mirar lo bueno que la gente tenia. Claro, un virtud deseable. Solo aveces. Esto me cegó a la realidad que hay detrás de cada sonrisa. En mi cabeza tan limitada, negué la existencia de tanta maldad. Encima, nunca llegue a entender, ¿porque a ellos? Hermosos criaturas recién empezando la vida. Nunca entendí porque alguien se animaría a dañarlos a ellos. ¿No ven las lágrimas? ¿No ven sus ojos? Nunca entendí, y jamas llegare a poder. Lo único que puedo hacer ahora es pelear. No en mis fuerzas. No. Así no llego a ningún lado. Si usando la cabeza y el corazón que me diste. Pelear una batalla digna de hasta morir por ella.
Ellos tienen derecho a jugar.
Ellos tienen derecho a ser inocentes.
Ellos tienen derecho a reir.
Ellos tienen derecho a ser mimados.
Ellos tienen derecho a crecer.
Ellos tienen derecho a aprender.
Ellos tienen derecho a soñar.
Ellos tienen derecho a ser niños.
Lloro. Pienso. Me quedo asombrada. Ella me necesita. Nos necesita. Voy a hacer todo por ella. Ella es mi estrella. Ella es mi corazon. Si ella no sobrevive, entonces yo tampoco quiero. Estoy con ella. EL esta con ella. Ella es de EL. En EL confiamos.

(Esto es para ELLA, quien perdio sus derechos como la hermosa niña que es. Plata como intermediario, ahora ella esta atrapada. Situaciones que una nena de 11 años ni tendria que imaginar. Y ahora es su realidad. Ahora es mi realidad. Ahora es nuestra realidad. Ya empezamos a pelear, a defender, a amarla. Ya empezamos a buscar la salida. Sumate.)

is it possible to be jealous, and not to care at the same time?
is it possible to forget and remember?
is it possible to love and be unloved?
is it possible to decide and doubt everything?
is it possible to move on and leave pieces behind?
is it possible to never look back and always see what happend?

Y aunque todavia te siento en algun lugar de mi cabeza, de a poquito los olvidos me favorecen.

I know we're not supposed to have expectations for people, nor are we supposed to imagine something without really knowing, raising the bar to a nevel we aren't sure that they can reach, but, even with knowing this, I did it anyway.
Maybe I seemed different, because I was waiting a different response.
Maybe it wasn't what you expected, because you were not what I expected.
Anyway, what happened, happened. What was said, well, that's all done and gone now too.
I know this seems old fashioned, but, I wanted to be rescued.
Everything just kind of blurred together. My stomache tied into a not, my head is exploding, and my eyes shut them selves, because they scream "STOP! NO MORE!"
For you, everything is for our good. For me, this was a complete dissaster.
You see, you never asked how I was feeling. You never wondered what I thought.
Well, maybe you asked once, but you asked in response to what you said.
I have so much to say, but, I want you to want to know.
Stupid, silly, naive, well, I don't care.
I know that it shouldn't burn this much, I know that it shouldn't matter the way it does, but I can't let go of this. It's a problem, and until I understand how to solve it, I can't move on.

Pienso, miro, contemplo. Siento. Como si no paso nada. El pasado brilla. Lo que tenemos detras resalta con una asombrosa facilidad, hermoso, lleno de colores que disfrutamos muchisimo, pero, lo que esta por venir; lo que tenemos por delante, es mucho mas. Supera todo lo que conocemos. Nuestros mentes no llegan a entender. Solo podemos quedarnos sorprendidos y esperar que algun dia podremos tenerlo como ese pasado lindo. Miedos? Si. De no estar listos, de que sea tanto, que nos asustamos y no aprovechamos. Supongo que esto sera algo del momento. Espero que podamos evitarlo. Ganar. Se que lo que tenemos es mucho mas fuerte que cualquier otra cosa, pero, me estoy dando cuenta que las fuerzas no comparan con las ganas. No tiene que ser asi, no deberia, pero, aca! Presente! Yo soy la primera. Siento que tengo fuerza, pero quiero algo. Tengo ganas de hacer, de ser, de tener, de estar con... y esto me gana. Todavia no estoy segura de cual es mejor. Espero que las dos pueden juntarse y ponerse de acuerdo. Hasta ahora, silencio, asique escucho musica :)

not knowing which direction is the correct one
do I discard or remake it?

hay tantas veces donde me encuentro pensando demas. de como seria, lo que podria llegar a ser. no lo hago a proposito. lo que si hice es que deje la ventana abierta, y ahora siento cualquier briza o viento que corre. eso si, me gusta sentir, pero creo que mi piel ya se volvio demasiado sensible al susurro de su voz. de hecho, ni si quiera hace falta la presencia de palabras para mandarme a revolver en un abismo de confusion intermiable. un poco de exageracion? puede ser, pero, soy asi. no puedo ser otra. lo intente. trate de evitar algo, cubrir lo otro, pero al final eso solo empeora la situacion. quiero mencionar, no diria que sea mala la situacion. al contrario. es hermoso, dificil, complejo, pero magnifico. me he sorprendido muchas veces, pero, todavia no he podido tener el placer de LA sorpresa. un evento inesperada que he estado esperando por mucho tiempo. creo que ya llega. de hecho, me parece que puedo decirlo con con confianza. YA LLEGA. nervios, ansiedad, felicidad, alegria. por ahi dicen que mis ojos brillan. me gusta pensar que eso se debe al simple hecho de conocerlo. un hecho que revoluciono mi presente, hizo a mi pasado un pure, e inserto una insertidumbre asombroso a mi presente. me gusta pensar que de a poquito la inquietud de no saber como termina se resuelve en lo que encontramos al final. mi conclusion de hoy...SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BURST!!!!!!

It's crazy. Not anything I would expect. Is this it? Is this what I've been looking for? I can't believe this is happening. I never knew it would be like this. I'm excited to see how this ends up. I can't wait to see you're creation come alive.
Burst. Explode. Boom. Bam.
It's starting to make sense.

Change the colors of the sky. And open up to The ways you made me feel alive, The ways I loved you. For all the things that never died, To make it through the night, Love will find you. What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, What about now?

But I can't spell it out for you, No it's never gonna be that simple. No I cant spell it out for you. If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other and will never find another. Just realized what I just realized we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now.

it's overwhelming. darling, you're the cause. i try to avoid this, i try to hide, but some things just can't be kept inside. it consumes me, it's what moves me. you're here, you're there, I'm here, not there. we're never anywhere. mislead perspectives. questions unanswered. songs unwritten, feelings unattended. it's too dangerous, it's too safe. looking at the stars and imagining your face. things are beautiful, things are scary. i prefer things to be anything but ordinary. the question is not how long this will last, but when it's over, will we move on from the past? lets just close our eyes and dream, forget about reality. you're here and so am i, lets fly baby, just fly.

Trying to understand the cliché of understanding you, I understood what I didn´t want to understand.
You´re not the same you anymore.
I wish you would come back.
I wish things would go back to how they used to be.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH

They always tell us to dream big. Reach for the stars, but they never tell you how much it hurts if you miss and fall. I had dreams, I had hope, but it's all in the past now. Today, I just deal with picking up the pieces that are left from me jumping off the cliff. I did what they said; I tried to reach the stars, I think I might have even felt the heat of one, but I wasn't able to hold it, and that's when I realized the fall was going to be painful. So now, for the next 22 miles, there's absolutely nothing. I'm just walking a straight, continuous and empty line, trying to find the end of it. Trying to understand. I cry, I laugh, I scream, but nothing comes out right. So now, I'll just walk in silence, and wait for this to go away. I hope this goes away. Please go away.

It's funny how just one little change of events makes me realize so many things in my life. One moment in time, one second of that night, made me understand so much. It's a great feeling. It's rare. Not too many people are able to understand the complex meaning of life. Not too many are able to understad what things are going to be like, but for one moment, I was able to feel this. It was stupid, it was great. It was meaningless, it meant everything. It was nothing, it was something. It just made me think. And I proved that when we give things away, we get more. You showed me the plan, my purpose. I've been looking for this for so long now, and when I finally truely gave this desire away, you showed me so much more. Good things are happening. Great things are comming, and I want to be the first in line to find out exactly what these things are going to be.

it´s something that burns deep inside of me. I can´t help but wonder what it would be like. Is itpossible? can we do it? would we make it? I don´t know, but I sure would like to. I know that we´ll understand later, but what about now? what about this moment in time where everything is up in the air, and it feels like it might come tumbling down any minute? I know you say that good things come with time, but, great things happen in the blink of an eye! this could be good, it could be great. It could be the best thing that happens. Is it meant to be? how do we know? I think we´ll find out sometime soon. you´re so mysterious, I´m so direct. We make a good team, but I have to learn to wait, and you have to learn to just say it. I hear so many people talk about their lives, their expieriences, and some stories are really similar to ours, and they´ve turned out really good. That gives me a little hope, but at the same time, I still realize that every story is different. Do we even have a story? from my end, there is a story, it´s a story of a girl who is a dreamer, and when she dreams, she dreams of you...

It's incredible how just one word, one phrase, one hello, can make all my insecurities go away. Something so simple, yet so complex. Nothing in this world makes me more happy than a conversation with you. For some reason, this has become so much more for me, and I don't know if it's ok. I'm not sure what to think, but, is it necesary to think? Do I have to analize everything? or, is it ok just to go? To just go without thinking. Taking risks. It wouldn't be stupid, it would be an adventure. I would be careful, but not too much. So many times we try and put too many rules to something that should be free. Freedom. It's under-rated. It's over-rated. Who knows. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to fly. To feel the wind graze my face and carry me home. Lets fly...

What's going on tonight? Something just doesn't seem right with your smile; it's been a while.
There's something in the air. These stars remind me of your stare. Hey you, it's been a while.
Broken shoes from trying to get to you. Distance calls but she wont win.
We are hope-filled hearts and empty hands. We will fight until the end.
There's so much more to see. Lets not stop here, we're flying free. Theres more within your eyes.
I'll risk it once, I'll risk it twice. Three times if you'll stand by my side. So much more to get from life.